On Meditating With a Newborn, And Not Meditating At All
by Arden Martin
I USED TO SAY MEDITATION WAS THE BEDROCK OF MY MENTAL HEALTH, AND THEN I STOPPED DOING IT. HERE’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED.
In 2018, I had my first baby. I was also a new Vedic Meditation teacher, excited to be involved in opening The Spring, our former studio in NYC. On Instagram, I posted frequently about my meditation practice: selfies of me holding my baby with my eyes closed in stillness, time-lapse videos of me going deep while my son crawled around the apartment, and more. I was very proud of myself, if I'm being honest! I was also very devoted to meditation, and although the logistics and approach had to change with a new baby, I had no trouble staying consistent with my practice.
Fast forward seven years: I have another baby, I’m off social media entirely, and for the past year I’ve barely meditated at all. Go figure!
In all seriousness, it’s been very humbling to see what has happened to my mental health since I stopped meditating and clumsily got back on the wagon.
Read on to find out what I’ve learned.
LETTING GO OF MY PRACTICE
My second pregnancy was an uncomfortable experience. When you’re in physical discomfort, it can feel especially hard to sit quietly, even with a solid technique — so I meditated very rarely while pregnant. While I didn't feel guilty about letting my practice go, I did feel pretty anxious for no apparent reason. My emotions were all over the place, too. These can be normal symptoms of pregnancy hormones, but the correlation was clear nonetheless: less meditation, more anxiety.
After my daughter was born, I was fortunate to spend about a month recovering at home with the support of my family. You'd think I would have plenty of time to meditate, but my practice was nowhere to be found. Meditation begets meditation, and since I'd been out of the habit, I simply didn't feel motivated to meditate much. Instead, I took naps and spent several hours a day on my phone, which quickly began to feel awful and became the catalyst for seriously dialing in my screen time (more on that another day).
Although I don’t feel guilty about neglecting meditation during my initial postpartum phase, I learned that habits are powerful: Once we lose momentum, it takes significant effort to build a habit back up again, and effort is often not something we can afford during demanding phases of life. In other words, it pays to establish and stick with your practice when life is relatively easy so it can serve you when things get rough.
THE CONSEQUENCES
As I emerged from my postpartum cocoon and began integrating back into regular life, I noticed something alarming: Normal, everyday demands like driving on the highway or caring for a sick child were triggering acute anxiety that I hadn’t experienced in years. The last time I remember experiencing such anxiety was before I started meditating. Coincidence? I think not.
Not only was I more anxious, I was on edge in general, quicker to snap at my son and more easily overwhelmed. "Mama, are you tired?" he would often ask after I let out another exasperated sigh. My son is a sensitive guy — he definitely noticed my stress and was absolutely absorbing it. Yes, my demands had increased, but I was not caring for my mental health in equal proportion.
I could no longer justify what I had been telling myself: that I would start meditating again once my life settled down. Ironically, this is the very sentiment I’ve been warning students against for several years now. It was time to acknowledge that my mental health was suffering, and I wasn’t using the one tool that was freely and abundantly available to me.
It was time to humbly get back on the wagon and start meditating daily again.
MY PRACTICE TODAY
In this new chapter of my practice, the key to success has been a gentle attitude. When I close my eyes, I do so with zero expectations or pressure on what the session will be. I'm not attached to going deep, or even sitting for a certain amount of time — I simply seize the opportunity to stop, close my eyes, and take it as it comes. Most of the time, I am interrupted before 20 minutes are up, and I no longer see that as a failure. With this gentle attitude, I always feel more peaceful and regulated when the session ends, even when it’s interrupted or cut short. Simply choosing to stop, sit, and hit pause on the momentum of the day is powerful in itself, even if the time spent in stillness is less than the arbitrary standard of 20 minutes (or however long one prefers to meditate). And if I miss a day, which I often do, there’s no reason why I can’t try again tomorrow.
THE TAKEAWAY
Since I received the gift of meditation in 2015, I've learned again and again that a sustainable practice is always changing. Consistency doesn’t have to mean twenty minutes twice a day until you die. Consistency is about making it a priority to close your eyes each day, whenever you get the opportunity. For certain personality types and certain phases of life, more structure might be required in order to achieve consistency — but it’s also okay to let your practice be fluid and imperfect.
Although we don’t generally advise making a habit of meditating for less than ten minutes at a time, it’s totally appropriate in certain seasons of life: pregnancy, postpartum, illness, and any phase when you're dealing with a major life stressor. Simply close your eyes when you can, even if it’s 5 minutes and you do this multiple times in a day.
So if you’re finding it hard, for any reason at all, to make 20 minutes happen (let alone twice a day), give yourself permission to meditate for just a few. You may be amazed at where this humble beginning might take you, and what a difference it can still make in your mental and physical stability.
As always, we encourage you to reach out to us for support with your practice. We are here to encourage you, help you troubleshoot, and remind you that your practice is never, ever too far gone.